How do I hate you, Chris Ott? Let me count the ways:

1) "A sickeningly, painfully simple reconstruction of all the music that's ever really Mattered, The Constantines announced the Best Band in the World, and we-- critics, caricatures and cunts-- have been foaming at the mouth to crown another one for twenty years now." (Uh, yeah.)

2) "The Constantines are resurrecting rock music from the frigid, faggy dungeon currently overrun with a thousand self-obsessed, coke-snorting keyboard players." (Hmm, what do you think of that, Matt?)

3) "wresting abandon from effeminate black-and-dayglo pretenders" (effeminate? Like, uh, Sleater-Kinney? Bikini Kill? Huh?)

4) "Theirs is the sound of craven, drunk friend-fucking, of smoky, dead all-night bars and wondering how to keep the party going." (Uh, Chris, did you just never listen to Ladytron's "Playgirl" or what?)

5) "Unlike the chic Strokes or pretentious Interpol, they are truly opening their hearts..." (Good for them if they are, but you'd think if they are their supporters might be hesitant to close their hearts against others for no particular reason.)

Well, that's enough for now, I suppose. For more uptight music-snob assholery, check out Chris' WATW entry on the Constantines. And oh my god, he recycles half of it for the full review! Wow!

Here is more on Chris.
posted by Mike B. at 2:52 PM 0 comments