I have to admit that I'm sort of sympathetic to what I'll call the modern British model of rock (MBMOR): a band comes along and is the biggest hugest band in the world, and then for the next five years there'll be a moderately successful band that imitates one particular aspect of that band's sound that was abandoned by the original huge band and had heretofore remained unexamined, followed by a slew of other minorly successful bands working less interesting variations of this particular sound. Oh, sure, it produces a lot of really, really, really medicore music, but it's also very pip-pip socialist of them--everybody gets a turn! You, you're moderately attractive and somewhat talented--let's get your band on TV for a few weeks, then! And then off you go to the rest of your life, which is where you probably should've been in the first place, but hey, doesn't everyone deserve a little bit of attention! Sure they do. Plus, you know, me and most of the people I know are working in guitar-based bands, so it would be nice for us to have a single or two on the radio just because we sound like some other band that had its singles on the radio.

That said, British bands, I do have an assignment for you for the next few years: make your guitars sound like something I would actually want to listen to, rather than like background noise that, at best, reminds me of a poem I just made up:

Here are some guitars!
These guitars will make us stars!
We played in bars with these guitars
And now that we are to be stars
The producer says "play your guitars"
And so we do, and shout, "raaar!"
And then the producer gets in his car
And goes and mixes those guitars
And they sound like we've come very far.
They sure do sound like guitars.

I probably shouldn't have listened to that Hard-Fi EP so many times.
posted by Mike B. at 5:31 PM 1 comments

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Hey, want me to be way less interested in seeing your movie than I was before? Say crap like this:

"One of the reasons I chose this story," Van Sant says, "is that it's sort of the rock 'n' roll suicide version of an overly reported subject like Columbine. [Cobain's] death had 24-hour coverage, at least on MTV. But I feel the way a journalist composes a story [makes it] as fictional as a fiction film. And that fiction filmmakers—those with imagination who resist making 'entertainment'—are the ones who can actually go in there and bring about answers. Not that [Last Days] was meant to be a literal investigation; it's more of a poetic investigation."

Wow, count the dirty words:

1) Journalism is somewhat constructed, and so is therefore totally untrue!
2) Not making entertainment is something to aspire to!
3) If you make something that seeks to please people in any way, what you have made is totally untrue!
4) "Poetic investigation." At least he didn't say "meditation," I guess.

So, what, do people think Van Sant's a good director because he manages to take really amazingly interesting subjects like Kurt Cobain and Columbine and make them boring? Making things boring is easier than it looks, kids.

On the bright side, Joshua Clover's excellent piece on the film makes me think there's a good play to be written called "Kurt and Axl." I'll get to work on that just as soon as I, um, gain the ability to write plays well. It will be a prose distraction through and through.

posted by Mike B. at 1:15 PM 4 comments

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Probably not much from me today, especially as a) it's so horrendous outside I mainly want to lie down in a cold, dark room with a sheet over my face, and b) the comments STILL AREN'T GODDAMN WORKING, but I do have a guest post up on Poptext about a "deep cut" as it were from the last Avril album. You should go check that out.

Now where did I put that Evanescence album...

posted by Mike B. at 12:16 PM 0 comments

Monday, July 18, 2005

Though I have enjoyed other people's reviews of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, perhaps the only thing readers of this blog really need to know is that there's a disco Oompa-Loompa number. I would elaborate, but a) I don't have time, and b) what else do you really need to know? Fully-choreographed, disco Oompa Loompa number! Best thing ever!

posted by Mike B. at 12:43 PM 0 comments

Goddamn comments system is apparently broken, so this is just a quick note to remind you that I do have the native blogger commenting system up and ready for all my posts. Just click on the timestamp (i.e. "posted by Eppy at 11:55 AM") and you should be able to tell me what's up.

posted by Mike B. at 11:03 AM 0 comments