You fucking cowards.

I was going to post just that, but eh, lemme expand a bit. Look, here's this guy, Ryan Adams, you've been ripping on, making fun of, criticizing, for years now. Just shots and shots and shots. And sorta-kinda you should--the guys a, er, turbodouche. And it's entertaining for all of us.

But then he calls you up. (Calls for a scheduled interview, no less, so it's not like you were blindsided.) And do you say anything? Do you criticize him? Do you call him on his shit? No, you fucking writer, you fucking coward, you have a nice genial chat. That's not just cowardly, that's bad writerly instincts. We the audience do not care about nice genial chats. We want conflict, we want invective, we want overbearing stupidity and hyperbole. You're dancing monkeys, fuckers, dance for us!

And, holy shit, you just validated all those cheap things musicians say about critics: that it's easy from where you're sitting, it's only 'cause you don't know me, blah blah blah. Look, if you're going to say this shit in a public situation, you're going to have to be willing to back it up and say it to the person's face. That's only fair. And, holy shit, it's Ryan Adams! Who deserves it more? He's asking for it! It's just so frustrating. You backed down, folded as soon as you're challenged to defend your shit. Maybe there was even a little star-worship tied up in it there. It's like every bad image we have of these things--the parties fight like dogs for the crowd and then go into the backroom and share a glass of brandy and a friendly chat, since it was all in fun--except you are revealing this in public. That's embarrassing, kids. The only midly critical thing you said was in the context of basically asking him for his fucking permission to say nasty things about him! Don't ask his permission, goddamnit!

Look, either music matters or it doesn't. The only justification for saying all the stupid, overheated shit Pitchfork does is because "music matters, man" and you're saying what you're saying in an effort to save it. (See my previous correspondence with PF writers about "correcting" the trend of reviews by overcompensating.) But if all this stuff you're spewing is just bullshit, just entertainment, then music clearly doesn't matter, because when given the chance to directly back up what you're saying, you don't take it. You pussy out, and the message that sends is: well, music doesn't matter that much, after all; being nice to people matters more.

Now, we all know I'm not endorsing one view or the other here; I think that Pitchfork needs to realize that music matters, but in a very different way. But from their viewpoint, those are the choices. We don't care if you're uncool, dude; we know you're uncool. Cool people don't care about shit that much. But liking the Dead (and a big ol' measure of respect to Adams for pretty sincerely repping the Winterland DVD) isn't sufficient reason for saying overly nasty things about working musicians to working music fans. Is being an asshole really justified? Apparently not; apparently having Ryan Adams be nice to you is more valuable.

So yeah, you guys are being "honest" (or "obnoxiously honest"), but way more than you're intending to be, I think. The PF project laid bare: look on it and despair, kids. Sigh.

Let's make this clear, here: you just got schooled by Ryan Adams. He handed you your critical hat. Congratufuckinglations.
posted by Mike B. at 1:03 PM 0 comments