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Thursday, November 04, 2004
Because of this election, I now see that I am wrong about everything. And so while in the past I might have mocked this post for its sheer ridiculousness, now I see that this is the way of the future and paste it in here in hopes that we might learn something divine from it.

I've seen a lot of posts lately about the sad state that the music industry
is in. If you're not convinced, just turn on the local pop station and give it a
10 minute listen. In those 10 minutes you'll probably hear between 3 and 5
songs, if they don't cut to commercials. Maybe more. I don't know how many of
you have taken a good look at the Billboard Top 100 currently, but it goes
something like this:

1 Goodies, Ciara Featuring Petey Pablo
2 She Will Be Loved, Maroon5
3 My Boo, Usher And Alicia Keys
4 My Happy Ending, Avril Lavigne
5 Lose My Breath, Destiny's Child
6 Just Lose It, Eminem
7 On The Way Down, Ryan Cabrera
8 Lean Back, Terror Squad
9 Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson
10 Pieces Of Me, Ashlee Simpson

Look at that. Isn't that disgusting?

Now let's analyze why.

First of all, American attention spans have grown shorter by the moment.
Remember Dire Straits - Money for Nothing? If you don't, it was a classic rock
song, a big hit, and had an instrumental using a synthesizer that lasted around
a full minute... and get this... IT WAS IN THE RADIO EDIT TOO!

That song would never make it today. At present day, if a song doesn't grab
the listener by the throat and slam their faces into the radio, they change the
station. I personally have friends who, when hearing a song that has a strange
intro lasting less than 10 seconds, proclaim "What is this shit?! Get this off
the radio!! Why don't you play any GOOD songs?" This leaves me thinking "well
shithead, you heard the first 10 seconds. The fucking song hasn't even started
yet. Patience."

But patience is something no one today seems to remember anything about. We
live in a world where heating a pop-tart for 10 seconds takes way too long, let
alone reheating a dinner for a whopping 1:45...We have brilliant 9 minute rock
songs reduced to a 3:30 radio edit.

Good point--I look at that list and I can literally feel the vomit rising up my throat. It burns! It burns!

Click through for more wisdom.